You see, i've been given so much freedom from my parents. Yet, i still dare to misuse it. At my age, being able to go over to johor is already considered lucky. Still, all in my head was to have fun, enjoy enjoy enjoy. I didn't think of the risks i'm taking, the consequences of my actions, the people around me who would be affected. I'm selfish. Its immature, rude, dumb. Allah, please, please guide me from all the wrong ways, lead me to the right path. I've been a bad bad bad son. I made my parents worry, i misused the trust given to me. I don't ever wanna do it again. I hope i never will.

When i was in johor, i recalled everything i went through recently. Love, friendships, others. I realised we cant stop ourselves from changing. I see everyone arguing, quarrelling. Where's the peace? We're all becoming selfish, so cold and empty inside. Myself, i realise i'm get angry so easily. Recently i watched a video about patience, the prophet s.a.w said those who are strongest of men are those who are able to control their anger, their patience. God, change me back. Im not like this. Sigh. I only have so little time to live and i still dare to take life for granted. Enough of love kay mimi? Its not bringing you any good. You cant even love yourself, you wanna love someone else? Forget it. appriciate friendships, they last so much longer. Its much more worth it. I wanna change, i have to change. I need to find peace, peace from within. Its time i stop laughing like mad, and just give a smile. When there's nothing better to say, i'll just keep quiet. I wanna stop my vulgars. Im just so full of bull.... right now. Im gonna be seventeen this year, maybe its time i make a change. No more dumbass amirul.

Tsk. NurulAfiqah's going for camp tomorrow, 2.15pm. Kan sedih gitu :(((( haiyo, well i guess imma have to endure like old times. Remember during the holidays when one of us was going on a trip overseas? you went batam for like 3 days 2 nights, i was literally dying at home doing nothing but think of you. hahah, and when i went to hongkong for 6 days 5 nights, you we almost dying already. hahahas, memories ya know? hmm, well im gonna miss you so much Love, takecares and have fun. i'll be praying for your safety :)

its clear to all my friends that its my fault. everyone's cursing me, im paying for what i did. Im paying for my own misunderstanding. You never did messed up, i was at fault. everyone said, "ASSHOLE LAH AMIRUL", "BLOODY HELL NEVER CHECK FIRST ANYHOW GO CONFRONT HER", "WHY THE FUCK YOU NEVER TRUST HER SIA", "BODOH SIAK KAU MIRUL", KAU BUAT MALU LELAKI JER". Yes, im paying back for my shit. Im sorry, i didnt mean to embarass you at all, but everyone knows real story now, they know that im the one who's at fault. I WAS THE ONE AT FAULT FOR THIS WHOLE THING. it was unnecessary, im sorry i hurt you. i know my apology wouldnt mean a thing, but the next time i see you i WILL APOLOGISE AGAIN. And when i apologise, i hope you look me straight in the eyes, i hope you know im speaking straight from the HEART SINCERELY. Love, i really am sorry. Don't blame yourself, don't blame maman, blame me. Its my fault ohmyallah, its my fault. I didnt meant to cause shit, this was my mess. And now im cleaning it up in embarrassment. You didnt have to go through all that, you didnt deserve that. Not at all. You didnt deserve to cry, be embarrassed, hurt because of me. I dont want you to regret meeting me NurulAfiqah, i need you to stay, i need you to erase my sins towards you. i really need you to forgive me.

im the dumbest guy ever. i almost lost a friend. i misunderstood. You see, guys dont tend to make that much mistakes. But when they do, that mistake they make is a big one. Nurul Afiqah, gave me a second chance. Great friends forgive and forget, great friends give chances. She is a great friend, the best ex i've ever had. I couldnt imagine being in bad terms with her, i was willing to do whatever it takes to be friends with her again. I WAS AN ASSHOLE, for not trusting her. A HUGE ASS. Friends trust each other. That was my mistake. I've never fought back for something this badly, but my relation with her was something i held so dearly, something i never wanna lose no matter what happens. I just, really do, appriciate her so much. 3 hours on the phone, apologising, debating, crying, sorting things out, getting hung up, rejecting my calls, ignoring my calls over and over again, kept hearing "I dont wanna do this anymore, i wanna end this". I was willing to go through all that to get her back. You know i treat you more than just a friend. You know i'd never let you go. You know i'd do anything to get you back. You know i never meant to hurt you. You know how much i regret doing that. You know i'll never do it again. You know how much i love you. Because all these while, i've never stopped loving you even through thick and thin, i still do love you. I was serious about us all these while. We started out what we had, we lost what we had, now slowly insyallah we'll get back what we had.

I'm imperfect. i never get things right. I hate being in love at first, till she came around. Now she's gone, and once again my trust for girls got destroyed. Im sick of all this. Anyway, i've never liked studying, hated reading. I know my limits. I tweet a lot, hell lot. This blog is where shit comes out and never gets back in. Byezxc. I hate those who think they're perfect. If you are one, go kill yourself.

Mum and Dad call me Amirul. Yeah that's my name. Im 17 this year, just one more year to go before i take on my motorcycle license xD My O levels are long gone, i did well enough and here I am studying at Temasek Polytechnic, Engineering student. I never thought i'll love again, she gave me hope. Now she's gone, i felt all my hope crumble down. I feel so empty, so lost. Its just too sudden.
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